CES ended a few days back and Im still cycling through photos and press releases trying to figure out what I actually think happened this year. Curved OLED TVs from both LG and Samsung, which look incredible in the demo videos and which nobody outside a hotel suite in Macau will be able to afford for at least two years. A table that's also a PC (the Lenovo IdeaCentre Horizon, which is a fine idea if your coffee table needs to also be a $1,700 liability). And then there's the fork.
I need to talk about the fork.
Its called the HAPIfork. Its a real product, made by a company called Slow Control, and it is, as far as I can tell, exactly what it sounds like: a fork with a vibration motor and a Bluetooth chip in the handle that buzzes at you if youre eating too fast. It tracks how many "fork servings" you take per minute and syncs the data to an app so you can review your eating pace later, presumably while eating slower. Its going for something like $99 when it ships.
Im not making this up. I wish I were.
Look, I get the underlying idea. Eating too fast is a real thing, theres actual research tying it to overeating, and if a buzzing utensil helps somebody it helps somebody. Fine. But watching this get demoed on a show floor next to 4K displays and voice-controlled everything, my first thought wasnt "wow, innovation," it was "we have officially run out of problems that need Bluetooth." Somewhere around 2011 the entire consumer electronics industry decided that putting a chip and an app in something was the same thing as improving it, and CES this year felt like the fullest expression of that idea Ive seen yet. Theres a point where "smart" stops meaning connected-and-useful and starts just meaning connected, full stop, and I think we blew past that point sometime around the smart fork.
The curved TVs are a different kind of silly, the fun kind. LGs 55-inch curved OLED panel is genuinely a nice piece of engineering, and I get why a slight curve improves the viewing angle math if youre sitting dead center. But nobody sits dead center, and a TV that looks worse from the couch cushion two feet to the left of "the spot" is a TV designed for a showroom, not a living room. Samsung had one too. Neither company would give a firm price, which is usually the tell that the number is going to make you laugh out loud when it eventually shows up.
The thing that actually stuck with me from the show wasnt even a product, it was a conversation I had (well, overheard, mostly) at a bar near the convention center with someone who does hardware PR for a living. She said the joke inside the industry now is that if you cant explain what your gadget does in one sentence without the word "sync," you probably shouldnt be exhibiting. Which, sure, nice sentiment, except half the floor was violating that rule by Wednesday afternoon. I dont think anyone at these companies is being cynical exactly. I think a lot of very smart engineers have gotten really good at putting sensors into small enclosures, and now the sensors are cheap enough that the question stopped being "should we" and just became "why not."
Anyway. My fork stays dumb. I eat too fast and I know it and a buzzing handle is not going to fix decades of habit, its just going to make dinner feel like Im wearing an ankle monitor. If Slow Control wants to send me a review unit Ill happily eat a sandwich with it on camera, but Im not buying one, and I dont think you should either. Save the $99, get a smaller plate, its basically the same trick and it doesnt need a firmware update.
Somebody tell me if the curved TVs get a real price before they hit stores. Im morbidly curious now.